posted January 18, 2001 07:24 PM            

Introductory note:

My wife and I have practised Tantra/Sacred Sex for
several years and have received much joy from the
techniques and processes. One of my wife's favourite and
frequently requested sexual activity is the Yoni Massage.
It has greatly expanded our sex life, brought us closer and
has given me a greater appreciation of women. We've
taught the technique to many of our friends and they too
have enjoyed good results from it. I offer it here and
hope it enhances your sex life. Enjoy.

Background Information:

Yoni (pronounced YO-NEE) is a Sanskrit word for the
vagina that is loosely translated as "Sacred Space" or
"Sacred Temple." Its meaning and use is an alternate
perspective from the Western view of the female genitals
(i.e., Pussy, Cunt, Twat, etc., words which may or may
not be complimentary depending on the intent of their
usage). In Tantra, the Yoni is seen from a perspective of
love and respect. This is especially helpful for men to
learn.

The purpose of the Yoni Massage is to create a space for
the woman (the receiver) to relax, and enter a state of
high arousal and experience much pleasure from her
Yoni. Her partner (the giver) experiences the joy of being
of service and witnessing a special moment. The Yoni
Massage can also be used as a form of safer sex (when
latex gloves are used) and is an excellent activity to build
trust and intimacy. Some massage and sex therapists use
it to assist women to break through sexual blocks or
trauma.

The goal of the Yoni massage is not orgasm. Orgasm is
often a pleasant and welcome side effect. The goal is
simply to pleasure and massage the Yoni/vagina. From
this perspective both receiver and giver can relax, and not
have to worry about achieving something. When orgasm
does occur it is usually more expanded, more intense and
more satisfying. Orgasm is allowed to happen or not
happen. It is also helpful for the giver to not expect
anything in return. Just allow the receiver to enjoy the
massage and to relax into herself afterwards. Of course,
other sexual activity may follow but it should be entirely
the receiver's choice. This perspective will build greater
intimacy and trust, and will greatly expand your sexual
horizons. PREPARATION: Bathing is always helpful as
it relaxes both the receiver and giver. A quiet space is
desirable with pleasing music, candles, pillows, etc., or
whatever makes the participants relax and feel safe.
Allow yourself enough time and do not hurry through the
process. Go to the bathroom before beginning the
massage. The best results will occur when the bowels and
bladder are empty and you will avoid the unnecessary
experience of interrupting the massage to go to the
bathroom. Connect with your partner by hugging,
holding, eye gazing (looking into each other's eyes for an
extended time), or whatever brings you to a place of
safety and relaxation. PROCEDURE: Have the receiver
lie on her back with pillows under her head so she can
look down at her genitals and up at her partner (giver).
Place a pillow, covered with a towel, under her hips. Her
legs are to be spread apart with the knees slightly bent
(pillows or cushions under the knees will also help) and
her genitals clearly exposed for the massage. The giver
sits cross-legged between the receivers' legs. The giver
may wish to sit on a pillow or cushion. This position
allows full access to the Yoni and other parts of the body.
Before contacting the body, begin with deep, relaxed
breathing. Both giver and receiver should remember to
keep breathing deeply, slowly and with relaxation during
the entire process. The giver will gently remind the
receiver to start breathing again if the receiver stops or
takes shallower breaths. Deep breathing, not
hyperventilating, is very important here.

Gently massage the legs, abdomen, thighs, breasts, etc.,
to get the receiver to relax and for the giver to prepare for
touching the Yoni.

Pour a small quantity of a high-quality oil or lubricant on
the mound of the Yoni. Pour just enough so that it drips
down the outer lips and covers the outside of the Yoni.
(Several excellent sexual lubricants are available for this.
Many lingerie shops, sex toy shops, sex magazines, etc.,
offer these safe lubricants. My favourite is Yoni Play
from Looking Good Enterprises.)

CAVEAT - Do not mix oil-based products with latex.

Begin gently massaging the mound and outer lips of the
Yoni. Spend some time here and do not rush. Relax and
enjoy giving the massage. Gently squeeze the outer lip
between the thumb and index finger, and slide up and
down the entire length of each lip. Do the same thing to
the inner lips of the Yoni/vagina. Take your time.

The receiver can massage her own breasts or may just
relax and continue breathing deeply. It is helpful for giver
and receiver to look into each other's eyes as much as
possible. The receiver can tell the giver if the pressure,
speed, depth, etc., needs to be increased or decreased.
Limit your speaking and focus on the pleasurable
sensations. (It is my experience that too much talking gets
one out of their feelings and diminishes the effects.)

Gently stroke the clitoris with clockwise and
counter-clockwise circles. Gently squeeze it between
thumb and index fingers. Do this as a massage and not to
get the receiver off. The receiver will undoubtedly
become very aroused but continue to encourage her to
just relax and breathe.

Slowly and with great care, insert the middle finger of
your right hand into the Yoni (there is a reason for using
the right hand as opposed to the left. It has to do with
polarity in Tantra). Very gently explore and massage the
inside of the Yoni/ vagina with this finger. Take your
time, be gentle, and feel up, down and sideways. Vary
the depth, speed and pressure. Remember, this is a
massage and you're nurturing and relaxing the Yoni. With
your palm facing up, and the middle finger inside the
Yoni, move the middle finger in a "come here" gesture or
crook back towards the palm. You will contact a spongy
area of tissue just under the pubic bone, behind the
clitoris. This is the G-spot or in Tantra, the sacred spot
(there are many excellent books that go into detail about
this area). Your partner may feel as if they have to
urinate or it may be painful or pleasurable. Again vary the
pressure, speed and pattern of movement. You can move
side to side, back and forth, or in circles with your middle
finger. You can also insert the finger that's between your
middle finger and pinky. Check with your partner first
before sticking two fingers into them. Most women
should have no problem and will enjoy the increased
stimulation from two fingers. Take your time and be very
gentle. You may use the thumb of the right hand to
stimulate the clitoris as well. An option to try if the
receiver wants it is to insert the pinky of the right hand
into her anus. Ask her first and do not insert your pinky
into her Yoni/vagina after it has been in her anus. Use
lubrication and be very gentle. (In Tantra, it is said that
when your pinky is in her anus, the next finger and
middle finger in her Yoni/vagina, and your thumb on her
clitoris, "You are holding one of the mysteries of the
universe in your hand.") So, what is your left hand doing
all this time? You can use it to massage the breasts,
abdomen, or clitoris. If you massage the clitoris it's
usually best to use your thumb in an up down motion,
with the rest of your hand resting on and massaging the
mound. The dual stimulation of right and left hands will
provide much pleasure for the receiver. I do not
recommend using your left hand to touch your own
genitals because it may take your focus off the receiver.
Remember, this massage is for her pleasure and much of
the benefit comes from not only the physical stimulation
but the intent as well. Continue massaging, trying
different speeds, pressures and motions. Keep breathing
and looking into each other's eyes. She may have
powerful emotions come up and may cry. Just keep
breathing and be gentle. Many women have been sexually
abused and need to be healed. A giving, loving and
patient partner can be of great value to her.

If she has an orgasm, keep her breathing, and continue
massaging if she wants. More orgasms may occur, each
gaining in intensity. In Tantra this is called "riding the
wave." Many women can learn how to be multi-orgasmic
with the Yoni Massage and a very patient partner.

Keep massaging until she tells you to stop. Very slowly,
gently, and with respect, remove your hands. Allow her
to just lay there and enjoy the afterglow of the Yoni
massage. Cuddling or holding is very soothing as well. As
you learn to master the Yoni Massage your sex life will
be greatly enriched and you will learn a great deal about
feminine sexuality.

There is a similar massage for men called the Lingam
Massage. Lingam is a Sanskrit word for the penis that
means, "Wand of Light."