posted March 22, 2001 09:21 AM            

Let’s face it; we live in a patriarchal world. As a result, all women, regardless of their racial backgrounds, have had to struggle throughout history to obtain and maintain certain rights and freedom from the constraints imposed upon them by their society. Tamil women are no exception. The double standard permeates our societal structure at all levels.

As recent immigrants to Canada, our value system is in a state of flux as we try to integrate our traditional ideologies and practices into this Western framework. This has had a significant impact on the status of Tamil women in general, and especially that of the young Tamil women growing up in our society now.

Tamil parents are posed with many challenges in this country, including trying to raise their daughters in a foreign land with a foreign value system. It is a natural reaction to fear something that one does not understand. Parents act out this fear oftentimes by trying to gain control of unfamiliar situations by overreacting and imposing unrealistic rules of conduct for their daughters. So, in fact, young women here may be subject to abide by harsher rules than their counterparts back home. It is an illusion that just because we live in the Western world that ethnic women enjoy the same freedoms as that of their non-ethnic counterparts. For example, I recall when one of my Indian friends, born and raised right here in Canada, went away for a month-long vacation back to her hometown in Northern India. She was shocked at the amount of freedom her female cousins enjoyed back there when compared to all the rules and regulations that she had to abide by here in Canada. They were allowed to wear short skirts, make-up, etc. at an earlier age whereas my friend would have been the recipient of several rude comments from her parents and relatives if she ever attempted such a thing here at any age.

Parents will naturally try to raise their daughters in the same manner in which they themselves were raised, or how other females around them were raised back home. This, of course, will not sit well with the Tamil girls here in Canada and will eventually lead to a lot of resentment and rebellion. It is only human to compare yourself to others. Therefore, it is only natural that Tamil girls yearn for the same level of personal freedom as that of their non-Tamil counterparts. For example, staying out late to catch a movie with your friends, or checking out a nightclub on Friday or Saturday night is all part of the teenage culture. So what is a young Tamil girl to do when her friends ask her to hang out with them at the mall after school or catch a late movie? "Oh, I’m sorry, but I have to go home, or my parents will get mad at me". Meanwhile, a young Tamil male will have no problem answering yes to that question. He knows that chances are that his parents will not care and even if he does get into trouble at home, the incident will immediately be "forgiven and forgotten". A Tamil girl can never get away with this sort of behaviour. She will be chastised immediately and if she continues to exhibit similar repeated behavioural patterns, measures will be taken to restrict her movement, i.e. her father will most likely drop her off at school and pick her up as soon as school is over.

In addition to having to abide by stricter rules that are not applicable to Tamil males, Tamil girls are also weighed down with more responsibilities at home. Housework of all sorts: cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, vacuuming, taking care of younger siblings, etc. all fall under the realm of "women’s work". As such, it is understood that young girls should be moulded into this role as early as possible so that they will one day become the "good wives" that is expected by our Tamil society. It is also understood and accepted that in a household where there are children of both sexes, the burden of housework always falls on the shoulders of the female, even if the male sibling is the oldest. Burdened with these responsibilities, a Tamil girl is constrained for time that she can otherwise devote to schoolwork or participation in athletic activities that will enrich her life and will ensure her success in the workforce in the future.

Historically, it has been women who have had the burden of carrying the family honour from generation to generation. Thus, the existence and propagation of arranged marriages. This practice helps to ensure that the freedom of young women is tightly regulated and controlled. Tamil girls who dare to choose their own mates have gotten themselves into a lot of hot water. By choosing to take this route, you open yourself up to the possibility that you may be getting married to some guy who is not of the appropriate socio-economic status, religion, or god-forbid if he belonged to a lower caste. You will then be stuck with the honour of having destroyed your family name. The tight restrictions surrounding gender relations in the Tamil community has had a lot of negative repercussions in the lives’ of young Tamil women. All this has culminated in "run-aways", estrangement of parent-daughter relations and ultimately a lot of emotional grief for both parties. A Tamil guy, on the other hand, is more than welcome to pursue the mate of his choice, including female members of other races; and if he has had multiple partners, he is after all only proving his masculinity, and parents are more than willing to tolerate his behaviour. They may even think this as "cute".

I have only touched the surface of this issue in the above discussion. There are numerous other examples that I can provide that all work together in a systematic manner to restrict the freedom of the Tamil girl in our society and thus her range of life experiences. If these young women are ever expected to grow up to be successful women, whether in their careers or family life, everyone should make a concerted effort to stop propagating these sexist attitudes.

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posted March 22, 2001 10:48 AM            

Youngsters must have the strength, not to rebel but to stand up to their elders while maintaining their respect. And the elders must try hard to understand the difficulties faced by their children who have to accommodate two greatly varying cultures.