Out in the CHINESE|
Posted by Abdul Wahid on December 30, 1997 at 12:16:46:
A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's
hopelessly lost. It's been
nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything
besides what he could
forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves
and under trees.
One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the
woods. It has vines
covering most of it and the man can't see any
other buildings in the area.
However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney
implying someone is
He knocks on the door and an old man answers,
with a beard almost down
to the ground. The old man squints his eyes and
says "What do you want?"
The man says "I've been lost for the past three
weeks and haven't had a
decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be
most gracious if I could
have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight"
The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on
one condition: You
cannot mess around with my granddaughter"
The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees,
saying "I promise I won't
cause you any trouble. I'll be on my way tomorrow
The old Chinese man counters "Ok, but if I do
catch you then I'll give you
the three worst chinese torture tests ever known
"Ok, Ok" the man said as he entered the old
house. Besides, he thought to
himself, what kind of woman would live out in the
wilderness all her life?
Well, that night, when the man came down to eat
(after showering), he saw
how beautiful the granddaughter was. She was an
absolute pearl, and
while he had only been lost three weeks, it had
been many, many months
without companionship. And the girl had only seen
the occasional monk
besides her grandfather and well, they both
couldn't keep their eyes off
each other throughout the meal.
That night, the man snuck into the girls' bedroom
and they had quite a time,
but had kept the noise down to a minimum. The man
crept back to his room
later that night thinking to himself, Any three
torture tests would be worth it
after that experience.
Well, the next morning the man awoke to a heavy
weight on his chest. He
opened his eyes and there was this huge rock on
his chest. On the rock
was a sign saying "1st Chinese torture test: 100
lb rock on your chest".
"What a lame torture test" the man thought to
himself as he got up and
walked over to the window. He opened the shutter
and threw the rock out.
On the backside of the rock is another sign
saying "2nd worst Chinese
torture test: Rock tied to right testicle".
The man, seeing the rock was too far out the
window to be grabbed, jumps
out the window after the rock. Outside the window
is a third sign saying
"3rd worst Chinese torture test: Left testicle
tied to bedpost".