DEAR ABBY (Advice Column entry)
Posted by Maq on December 16, 1997 at 13:38:11:

Dear Abby -
I am a Vietnam-era deserter from the U. S. Army, and I have
a second cousin who works for Microsoft. My mother peddles
Nazi hate literature to Girl Scouts and my father (a former
dentist) is in jail for 30 years for raping most of his
patients while they were under anesthesia. The sole
supporters of our large family, including myself and my
$500-a-week heroin habit, are my uncle (master pick-pocket
Benny "The Fingers") and my aunt and kid sisters, who are
well-known street walkers.

My problem is this: I have just gotten engaged to the most
beautiful, sweetest girl in the world. She is just sweet
sixteen, and we are going to marry as soon as she can escape
from reform school. To support ourselves, we are going to
move to Mexico and start a fake Aztec souvenir factory
staffed by child labor. We look forward to bringing our kids
into the family business. But -- I am worried that my family
will not make a good impression on hers, once she has a
chance to meet them.

In your opinion, Abby: Should I -- or shouldn't I -- let her
know about my second cousin who works for Microsoft?

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