Proxy Father
Posted by Pachaya on October 22, 1996 at 22:49:46:

The British Government's policy of socialized medicine has
recently been broadened to include a service called "Proxy Fathers". Under
the Government plan, any married woman who is unable to become pregnant
through the first five years of her marriage may request a service of a
proxy father, a government employee who attempts to solve the couple's
problem by impregnating the wife.

The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and a proxy father is
due to arrive. Leaving for work, Mr. Smith says, "I am off. The Government
man should be here soon." Moments later a salesperson rings the bell......

Ms. Smith: "Good morning"
Salesman: "Good morning madam. You don't know me, but I've come to....."
Ms. Smith: "No need to explain, I've been expecting you"
Salesman: "Really? Well, good. I've made a speciality of babies,
especially twins"
Ms. Smith: "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and
have a seat"
Salesman: (Sitting) "Then you don't need to be sold on the idea?"
Ms. Smith: Don't concern yourself. My husband and I both agreethis is the
right thing to do"
Salesman: "Well, perhaps we should get down to it"
Ms. Smith: (Blushing) "Just where do we start?"
Salesman: Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on
the couch, and perhaps couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor
allows the subject to really spread out"
Ms. Smith: "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it hasn't worked for
Harry and me"
Salesman: "Well madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time, but
if we try several locations and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure
you'll be pleased with the results. In fact, my business card says, "I aim
to please"
Ms Smith: "Pardon me, but isn't this a little informal?"
Salesman: "Madam, in my line of work, a man must be at ease and take his
time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed
with that"
Ms. Smith: "Don't I know! Have you had much success at this?"
Salesman: (Opening his briefcase and finding baby pictures) "Just look at
this picture. Bilieve it or not, it was done on top of a bus in downtown
Ms. Smith: "Oh, my!"
Salesman: "And here are pictures of the prettiest twins in town. They
turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so
difficult to work with"
Ms. Smith: "She was?"
Salesman: "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her down to Hyde Park
to get the job done right. I've never worked under such impossible
conditions. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
a good look"
Ms. Smith: "Four and five deep?"
Salesman: "Yes, and for more than three hours, too. The mother got so
excited she started bouncing around,squealing and yelling at the crowd. I
couldn't concentrate. I'm afraid I had to ask couple of men restrain her.
By the time darkness was approaching and I began to rush my shots. When
the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in"
Ms. Smith: You mean they actually chewed on yoyr, eh...., eqipment?"
Salesman: "That's right,but it's all in a day's work. I consider my work a
pleasure. I've spent years perfecting my patented technique. Now take
this baby, I shot this one in the front window of a big department store"
Ms. Smith: "I just can't believe it"
Salesman: "Well madam, if you are ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we
can get to work"
Ms. Smith: "TRIPOD?!"
Salesman: "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my eqipment on. It's
much too heavy and unwieldy for me to hold while I'm shooting. Ms.
Smith?..My word, she's fainted!

Salesman is a door-to-door baby photographer!

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