Never Gonna Stay In Your Hotella No More
Roma 28 sept. 1981
Dear signore Direttore, Noew I am tella you story wot I was a-treated at jour hotella.
I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a-younga christian man at your hotella.
When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed - how can I sleep with no shit in my
bed? So I calla down receptione and tella: "I wanta shit" They tella me: "Go to toilet" I say:"No, no I
wanta shit in my bed". They say: "You'd better not shit in your bed, you sonna-wa-bitch". What is
I go down for breakfast into restorante. I order bacon and egga and two pissis of toast. I getta only
one piss of toast. I tella waitress, and point at toast: "I wanta piss". She tella me: "Go to toilet". I say:
"No, no I wanta piss on my plate". She then say to me: "You bloody wella not piss on the plate, you
This is the second person who do not even know me calla me "sonna.wa.bitch", and why is your
staff replying "Go to toilet", is that a modern tella? I do no undestand, please tella me!
Later I go for dinner in your restorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. I tella waitress: "I
wanta fock". And she tella me: "Sure, everyone wanta fock". I tella her: "No, no you don't
understanda me, I wanta fock on the table". She tella me: "Soyou sonna-wa-bitch wanta fock on the
table? Get your ass out of here!" How comma this christian hotella tella the guest in such bad
So I go to receptione and ask for bill. I no wanta stay in this hotel no more. When I have paid the
a-billa the portier say to me: "Thank you, and piss on You". I say: "Piss on you too, you
sonna-wa-bitch. I now go back to Italy". Directore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no more, you