Proxy fathers
Posted by Mottapala on September 18, 1997 at 21:07:10:

>>THe British Goverment's policy of socialized has recently been broaden
>>to include a service called "Proxy Fathers". Under the goverment plan,
>>any married woman who is unable to become pregant through the first five
>>years of her marriage, may request the service of a proxy father; a
>>goverment employee who attempt to solve the couple's problem by
>>impreganting the wife.
>>The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and a proxy father is due
>>to arrive. Leaving for work, Mr Smith says," I'm off. The goverment man
>>should be here soon." Moments later, a door-to-door baby photographer
>>rings the bell..........
>>Mrs Smith: Good morning.
>>Salesman : Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come
>>Mrs Smith: No need to explain, I've been expecting you.
>>Salesman : Really? Well good. I've made a specialty of babies,
>>especially twins.
>>Mrs Smith: That's what my husband and I hope. Please come in and have a
>>Salesman : (sitting) Then you don't need to be sold on the idea?
>>Mrs Smith: Don't concern yourself. My husband and I both agree that this
>>is the right thing to do.
>>Salesman : Well, perhaps we should get down to it.
>>Mrs Smith: (blushing) Just where do we start?
>>Salesman : Just leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
>>bathtub, one on the couch but mostly on the bed. Sometimes the
>>living room floors allows the subject to really spread out.
>>Mrs Smith: Bathtub? Living room floor? No wonder it hasn't work out for
>>me and Harry.
>>Salesman : Well madam, none of us can garantee a good one everytime, but
>>we try several locations and I shoot from six to seven angles, I'm
>>sure you'll be pleased with the results. In fact, my business card
>>says," I aim to please."
>>Mrs Smith: Pardon me, but isn't this a little informal?
>>Salesman : Madam, in my line of work, a man must be ease and able to
>>take his time. I'd love to be in and then out in five minutes, but
>>you'll be dissapointed with that.
>>Mrs Smith: Don't know! Have you had much success with that?
>>Salesman : (opening his briefcase and finding baby pictures) Just look
>>at this picture. Believe it or not, it was done on top of a bus in
>>downtown London.
>>Mrs Smith: Oh my!
>>Salesman : And here are pictures of the prettiest twins in town. They
>>turn out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so
>>difficult to work with.
>>Mrs Smith: She was?
>>Salesman : Yes. I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her down to Hyde
>>Park to get the job done right. I've never worked under such
>>impossible conditions. People were crowding around four or five
>>deep, pushing each other to get a good look.
>>Mrs Smith: Four or five deep?
>>Salesman : Yes and for more than three hours too. The mother got so
>>excited that she started bouncing around, squealing and yelling at
>>the crowd. I just couldn't concentrate so I had to ask the couple of
>>men to restrain her. By the time darkness, I began to rush my shots.
>>When the squirrels starts nibbling on my equipment, I had to packed
>>it all in.
>>Mrs Smith: You mean that they actually chewed... eh... on your
>>Salesman : That's right, but it all in a day's work. I consider my work
>>a pleasure. I've spent years perfecting my patented techique. Now
>>take this baby, I shot this one in the front window of a big
>>department store.
>>Mrs Smith: I just can't believe it!
>>Salesman : Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we
>>can get down to work right away.
>>Mrs Smith: TRIPOD!?!
>>Salesman : Oh yes. I have to use a tripod to rest my equipment on. It's
>>too much heavy and unwieldly for me to hold while I'm shooting...
>>Mrs Smith?... Mrs Smith?... My god, she's fainted

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