milking cows
Posted by Mottapala on September 18, 1997 at 21:05:45:

Ol' farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who
should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting
up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had
to go up and say something to him.

"Say, Chris, how ya doing? How's the tractor selling business
these days?"

If Chris had looked sad before, at the mention of tractor sales, his
face sank even more, and a tear came to his eye.

"John," he said, shaking his head, "I don't know what it is. I
can't sell a tractor these days to save my life. I'll tell you, I just
gotta sell one tractor and soon, or else I'll lose that dealership for

"Well," John said, taking the barstool next to him, "If you think you
got it bad, I got it worse. Now you listen to this...."

"I went out to the barn the other morning to milk Bessy. That ol' cow
gets more ornery as the years go by. Anyway, no sooner did I sit down
on the milking stool and get to work, but ol' Bes starts a slappin' me
with her tail. After a minute or so, I got fed up with it, so I threw
a rope up over the rafters, and tied ol' Bessy's tail to the rafters.
Then I got back to work."

"I didn't even get two squirts into the bucket, when Bes gives me a
kick. Knocked me clean off the stool! Boy, if that upset me! So I get
me another rope an' tie Bessy's right hind leg to the side of the
milking stall, and get a started trying to milk her again."

"Well by this time, Bessy's about livid, and she doesn't want any part
of it, so she let's me have it with her other hind leg. I wasn't about
to give in to this ol' cow, so I got me yet another piece oh rope and
tied up Bessy's left leg to the other side of the stall."

Just then John paused to take sip his beer.

Chris, distracted for a moment from his own troubles, asked John,
"Well, did you finally get to milk her?"

"Well, yes and no, Chris. But I'll tell ya what... If you can convince
my wife that I was out there to MILK that cow, I'll BUY a tractor from

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