Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a maddening passion
for baked beans. He loved them, but unfortunately, they had
always had a very embarrassing, and somewhat lively effect on
him. Then, one day he met a girl and fell in love. When it
became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself,
"She is such a sweet and gentle girl, she would never go for this
carrying on." So he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
Some months later, his car broke down on the way home from work.
Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her
he would be late because he would have to walk home. On his way,
he passed a little diner and the odor of baked beans was more
than he could stand. Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured that he could walk off any ill effects by the time he got
home. So, he stopped at the diner. Before he knew it, he had
consumed three large helpings of baked beans. All the way home
he putt-putted, and upon arriving he felt reasonably sure he
could control his gas.
His wife seemed somewhat agitated and excited to see him and
exclaimed, "Darling, I have a surprise dinner for you tonight."
She then blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the table.
He seated himself, and just as she was about to remove the
blindfold, the telephone rang. She made him promise not to touch
the blindfold until she returned. She then went to answer the
phone. The baked beans he had consumed were still effecting him
and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable. So, while his
wife was out of the room he seized the opportunity, shifted he
weight to one leg, and let go! It was not only loud, but it
smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. He took his napkin and fanned vigorously the
air around him. Shifting to the other cheek, he ripped off three
more which reminded him of cabbage cooking! Keeping his ear tuned
to the conversation in the other room, he went on like this for
another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end
of his freedom, he fanned the air a few more times with his
napkin, placed it in his lap, and folded his hands upon it
smiling contentedly to himself.
He was the picture of innocence when his wife returned,
apologizing for taking so long. She asked him if he peeked,
which he assured her that he had not. At this point, she removed
the blindfold and he was surprised!!! There were twelve dinner
guests seated around the table to wish him a happy birthday!