Assortment of Jokes
Posted by Alfred F. Seneviratne on September 23, 2005 at 20:31:38

+++++++++ Rev. Fr. Mercelene Jayakody ++++++++++++++

At the Vihara of Ven. Ahangama Rathanasiri, young Mercelene Jayakody who is interested in learning Pali (Buddhist language like Latin in Catholism) just as Buddhist scriptures was a regular visitor. Young Mercelene is gifted in writing lyrics and composing charming poetry. I approached Fr. Mercelene and asked him to teach me how to put words into melodic rhythm. He asked me what I can do with words. This was my line, "Sasara Paraade Natha Paramaade oh! oh! Chalenehi Jaana."
He said, "Oh! please do not ruin such a melodic and rhythmic beauty with your Hindi 'Chlenehi Jaana." That was the end of my lyric!

+++++++++++++++++++ His Holiness ++++++++++++++++++++

Along with 25 others I was interviewed at the Bishops' Palace in Colombo, for a domestic position at Vatican. Being a Buddhist, my chances of getting selected was nil.
'Non-drinker' was vital for the selection. The last question asked was, "What is VAT 69?" for which my reply was His Holiness's 'phone number'. Surprisingly I was selected, solely perhaps due to my 'sober' reply, and to Rome now. The Priest in-charge of my duties at the Vatican instructed me, the bathroom must be spotlessly cleaned at all times after His Holiness vacate.
In the morning His Holiness carries a 'Hawana Cigar' to the bathroom and exit with the same. I say,"Holy Smoke!" and begins my cleaning. Entering the toilet I say, Holy Shit! and clear the deposit by flushing.

++++++++++++++++ My Film Debut +++++++++++++++++++++

I paid my tribute to Dr. L.J.Pieris congratulating on his great success and the glory he brought to the Sinhala Cinema and our mother Lanka with numerous prestigious awards.
Dr. Pieris asked about my film-path. I said, "I have written a film script and dialouges with a story of my own and plan to shoot in Sri Lanka with Gameni Fonseka and Suwarna Mallawarachchi. He was impressed to know that it was story about a blind man with magical powers, titled "Harry Potteya". With amazement Dr. Pieris gazed at me for a long number of seconds. I could not read his thoughts. I wonder whether he was thinking, that I would be a great character for a role: "Blind leading the Blind!"

+++++++++++++++++ Meditation & Power +++++++++++++++++++

A devotee kindly request the Buddha to visit a powerful meditater with amazing power. To please the man the Buddha visited the bank of the River Gangees. From one side of the river to the other he lavitate smoothly.
Seen this Buddha questioned the devotee, what a waste of 30 years to cross the river like manner. Buddha can p
ay a boatman a cent and cross the river easily.

++++++++++++++++ "Did I hurt you Darling!" +++++++++++++

A monkey in heat noticed a cow elephant raised her tail and urinated, at a coconut estate. Soon it jumped on her and rubed itself at the part of the cow elephant in a sexual mannner, while the elephant was moving forward gently. Suddently a huge coconut nut fell right on the head of the elephant who made a painful sound at the strike. The thrilled monkey lovingly asked, "Did I hurt you Darling!"

+++++++++++++++++ In Finland ++++++++++++++++++++++++

When in Finland to eat sea-food you have to go to Fishbar, to drink to Finbar and dancing and further to a Sinbar.

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