1. I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know
I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. -Dolly Parton

2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly
ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong

3. I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my
friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want
to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. -Rita Rudner

4. My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a
child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our
lives. -Rita Rudner

5. I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
-Wendy Liebman

6. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
-Erma Bombeck

7. If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing
'em. -Sue Grafton

8. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr

9. I think, therefore I'm single. -Lizz Winstead

10. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men
invade another country. -Elayne Boosler

11. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon
Pearson

12. I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
-Gilda Radner

13. In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you
want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher

14. I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine
marriage and a career. -Gloria Steinhem

15. Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.
-Glori Steinhem

16. I never married because there was no need. I have three pets
at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog
which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon
and a cat that comes home late at night. -Marie Corelli

17. Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.
-Baroness Edith Summerskill

18. If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing
neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a
little noose around your neck? -Linda Ellerbee

19. I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I
keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor