Dear Girls
Posted by KEVIN on April 19, 192002 at 20:02:34

Dear Girls,

For too long we men have been divided and conquered in the
name of equality, feminism and a host of other bobbins. No
more! The man fights back!! Tell your friends, the 90's man is
dead....Long live the Man of 2002. Listen up ladies, below is
how it REALLY is.....

Shopping is not a sport.

Anything you wear is fine. Really !!!.
Ask for what you want directly. Subtle hints don't work.

Face it, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, so what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with that particular dress?

'Yes', 'No' and 'Mmm' are perfectly acceptable answers.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend.

Check your oil. It is an essential part of car maintenance.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in a subsequent argument.

It's not the dress that makes you look fat. It's all that bloody
chocolate you eat!!

Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you sound jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading them. The male models with great bodies you see in magazines are all gay.

If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of these ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we rate how pretty you are?

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercial breaks.

When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and definitely does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.

If you want some dessert after a meal have some. You don't HAVE to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say "No, I couldn't/ shouldn't / don't want any" and then eat half of mine.

Dieting doesn't work without exercise.

If you're on a diet it doesn't mean my meals should be rabbit food as well.

A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, warm beer and cold lager. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in acceptable quantities everything else falls under the category 'garnish'.

Do not question our sense of direction.

All girls wearing tops that are either tight fitting / low cut / with slogan / with picture etc lose all right to complain about having their breasts stared at.

If you can learn the above, then man and woman can coexist on a level based on love and mutual respect. The ball's in your court.

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