Old Fart
Posted by Andere on 4/15/2002:

A couple had been happily married for 40 years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of loudly farting every morning as he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning, she would plead with him to stop ripping them off as it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.

She told him to see a doctor as she was concerned that one day he was going to fart his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out.

Then one Christmas morning as she was downstairs preparing the turkey and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had just put the turkey innards, neck, gizzards, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl upstairs where her hubby was sound asleep and gently pulling back the bed covers, she slid down his underwear at the back and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into them.

Several hours later she heard her husband waken with his usual ripping and trumpeting. This was followed by a bloodcurdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran to the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing with tears in her eyes. After years of torture she reckoned she had got her own back.

About 20 minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underwear with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.

"Honey," he said, "you were right. All those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you."

"What do you mean," his wife asked.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out and today it finally happened... but by the grace of God, some Vaseline and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

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