How to Get Rid of Telemarketers
Posted by Bal Vallah on October 29, 1998 at 07:53:03:
1.If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use[ Back to InfoLanka Jokes Page ]
some money. Ask, "How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other
money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?"
2.If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Or you can say,
"I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems,
my sciatica is acting up,my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...." When they get try to get
back to the sales process, just continue on with telling about your problems.
3.If the person says he's Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, ask him to spell their name, then ask them
to spell the company name, then ask them where it located. Continue asking them personal
questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4.This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with Canter
and Siegel services.... You: "Hang on a second." (few seconds pause) "Okay, (in a really husky
voice) what are you wearing?"
5.Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Judy!! Is this really you? Oh, my
God! Judy, how have you BEEN?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as
she tries to figure out where the heck she could know you from.
6.Say, "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as
they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.
7.If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends plan, reply, in a
sinister a voice as you can muster, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"
8.If they clean rugs: "Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about goat blood or HUMAN blood -
chicken blood too?"
9.Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of
an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or, "That's fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask
them to marry you. They get all flustered, but just tell them you couldn't give your credit card
number to someone who's a complete stranger.
10.Tell them you work for the same company they work for. Example: Telemarketer: "This is Bill from
Watertronics." You: "Watertronics!! Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling from?"
Telemarketer: "Uh,Dallas, Texas." You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business/the
weather? Too bad the company has a policy against selling to employees! Oh well,see ya."
11.Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or
scream, "Oh, my God!!!" and then hang up.
12.Tell the Telemarketer you are busy and if they will give you their phone number you will call
them back. If they say they are not allowed to give out their number, then ask them for their
home number and tell them you will call them at home (this is usually the most effective method
of getting rid of Telemarketers). If the person says, "Well, I don't really want to get a call
at home," say, "Ya! Now you know how I feel smiling of course... [If nothing else, just thinking
of this list the next time one calls you, you may begin to laugh out loud, which is sure to
upset their concentration.