Elevator Rules
Posted by Bal Vallah on October 02, 1998 at 00:56:50:

There are un-written rules that everyone who rides elevators follow whether they know it or not. It's
not something that anyone has placed into effect by law...It's just the way things are....

1.When you are waiting for an elevator and there are two sets, the one that is the greatest
distance from you will open first.
2.While you are riding the elevator, it is not permissible to look anyone in the eyes. The proper
place to stare is at the floor or at the numbers.
3.The person at the very back of the elevator will always be the one who needs off first.
4.If you are on the top floor of a 32 story building and needed to go the 1st floor, the elevator
will stop 31 times before you reach the ground.
5.If you get off on the wrong floor and realize it the instant your foot hits the ground outside
the elevator, it's much to embarrassing to admit you are wrong, so you stay outside the door and
act like you know what you're doing then catch the next one and hope all the people you were
with have gotten off.
6.When there are six elevator doors, the one you stand in front of will be the last to open.
7.When the elevator is the most full, one of two people will be on with you: an extremely sick man
who coughs constantly and then gets off on the same floor you do, or a lady with a baby that
screams through the entire ride.
8.Don't pass gas in an elevator even if you are all alone because when you do, the very next stop
will have ten people waiting to get on. It's always best to wait until the elevator is full then
no one knows who to blame.
9.If you speak to a stranger in an elevator there will always be nervous laughter.
10.The friendliest person on the elevator that insists on talking to you will always have bad
breath and body odor.
11.Elevators force us to be close to people that we would never choose to be around otherwise. If
you want a cultural experience, spend a day riding elevators around town.
12.The first person to get on the elevator gets the command position next to the buttons so that
they can feel important when people ask them to punch their floor for them.
13.While waiting on an elevator, there will always be one person to comment on how slow the
elevator is and then push the up or down button over and over as if that will make it speed up.
14.Once inside the elevator that same person will repeatedly punch the button for their floor
thinking that this also will speed up the elevator.
15.On top of the list of the most annoying elevator pet peves is the parent who will allow their
child to push the buttons and then smile at you after the kid has pushed all 26 buttons while
you are on the first floor needing to get to the 25th floor. Then at every floor the kid will
yell "Is this where we get off?"
16.The floor that is la bled the 1st floor is not really the 1st floor but is in reality the
basement. Ther 1st floor is actually la bled the 2nd floor.
17.If you are not in any hurry, there will always be an empty elevator just waiting with the doors
open just for you by yourself.
18.In buildings where smoking is allowed, there will always be one person who insist on taking the
last drag off their cigarette putting it out then waiting to exhale until the elevator door
closes with you trapped inside.
19.If a child rides the elevator, they will have a balloon that just happens to be at your face
level and there is no place to turn. Popping the balloon is a strong temptation.
20.I would rather ride the elevator with people than take the stairs alone!

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