Maxims for the Internet Age
Posted by Tommy on September 08, 1998 at 03:59:42:

> 1. Home is where you hang your @
> 2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
> 3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
> 4. You can't teach a old mouse new clicks.
> 5. Great groups from little icons grow.
> 6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
> 7. C:\ is the root of all directories.
> 8. Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
> 9. Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
> 10. The modem is the message.
> 11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.
> 12. The geek shall inherit the earth.
> 13. A chat has nine lives.
> 14. Don't byte off more than you can view.
> 15. Fax is stranger than fiction.
> 16. What boots up must come down.
> 17. Windows will never cease.
> 18. In Gates we trust (and our tender is legal).
> 19. Virtual reality is its own reward.
> 20. Modulation in all things.
> 21. A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
> 22. There's no place like
> 23. Know what to expect before you connect.
> 24. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.
> 25. Speed thrills.
> 26. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him
> to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
> New Words for the 90's
> Assmosis
> The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement
> by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
> Chips and Salsa
> Chips Hardware; Salsa Software. "Well, first we gotta figure out
> if the problem in your chips or your salsa."
> GOOD Job
> A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off
> their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.
> Idea Hamsters
> People who always seem to have their idea generators running.
> Irritainment
> Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find
> yourself unable to stop watching them. Prime example: the O.J. trials
> on CNN.
> Keyboard Plaque
> The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.
> Mouse Potato
> The online, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
> Ohnosecond
> That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just
> made a big mistake.
> Percussive Maintenance The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
> electronic device to get it to work again.
> Perot
> To quit unexpectedly, as in "My cellular phone just perot'ed."
> Seagull Manager
> A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, defecates over everything
> and then leaves.
> What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops
> working to stay home with the kids. It stands for Single Income, Two
> Children, Oppressive Mortgage.
> Squirt the Bird
> To transmit a signal to a satellite.
> Starter Marriage
> A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no
> property and no regrets.
> Stress Puppy
> A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
> Treeware
> Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.

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