Church Humor
Posted by Bal Vallah on August 13, 1998 at 00:22:37:

1.Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed: The Gate of Heaven". Below
that was a small cardboard sign which read: "Please use other entrance."

2.Rev. Warren J. Keating, Pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Yuma, AZ, says that the best
prayer he ever heard was: "Lord, please make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am."

3.A Woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. "What Denomination?"
Asked the clerk. "Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well give me 50
Baptist and 50 Catholic ones."

4.On a very cold, snowy Sunday in February, only the pastor and one farmer arrived at the village
church. The pastor said, "Well, I guess we won't have a service today." The farmer replied:
"Heck, if even only one cow shows up at feeding time, I feed it."

5.During a children's sermon, Rev. Larry Eisenberg asked the children what "Amen" means. A little
boy raised his hand and said: "It means - 'Tha-tha-tha-that's all folks!' "

6.A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any order. His answer?
"3rd Commandment,
6th Commandment,
1st Commandment,
8th Commandment,
4th Commandment,
5th Commandment,
9th Commandment,
2nd Commandment,
10th Commandment and
7th Commandment".

7.Bill Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip tells of a time when he was penciling one
of his cartoons and his son Jeffy said, "Daddy, how do you know what to draw?" I said, "God
tells me." Jeffy said, "Then why do you keep erasing parts of it?"

8.After the church service, a little boy told the pastor: "When I grow up, I'm going to give you
some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one
of the poorest preachers we've ever had."

9.My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six-year-old daughter and
said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" I wouldn't know what to say," she replied. "Just say
what you hear Mommy say," my wife said. Our daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord, why on
earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

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