how stupid can you get?
Posted by Shums on February 28, 1997 at 06:48:37:

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands,
"Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got! I'm so
pissed I can't even see straight!"

The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse
for wear, pours him a DOUBLE of Southern Comfort.

The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another

The bartender pours the drink, but says "Now, before I give
you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me WHY
you're so upset?"

So the man begins his tale:

"Well, I was sitting in the bar next door when this gorgeous
blonde slinks in, and actually sits beside ME at the bar. I
thought WOW, this has never happened before. You know,
it was kind of a fantasy come TRUE. Well, a couple of
minutes later I feel this hand moving around in my lap and the
blonde leans over, licks my ear, and asks if I'm
INTERESTED? I couldn't believe this was happening! I
managed to nod my head YES, so she grabs my hand, and
starts walking out of the bar. So of course I went with her.
This was just too good to be true!"

"She took me down the street here to a nice hotel and up to
her room. As soon as she shut the door she slips out of her
dress. That was all she was wearing! I tell you it didn't take
me much longer to get out of my clothes! But as soon as I
jumped into the bed, I hear some keys jingling, and
SOMEONE starts fumbling with the door."

"The blonde says 'Oh my god, it's my BOYFRIEND. He
must have lost his WRESTLING match tonight, he's gonna
be REAL MAD! Quick, HIDE!'"

"So, I looked at the CLOSET, but I figured that was
probably the FIRST place he would look, so I didn't hide
there. Then I looked under the bed, but no, I figured he's
bound to look there, TOO. By now I could hear the key in
the lock. I noticed the window was open, so I climbed out
and was hanging there by my FINGERS praying that the
guy WOULDN'T see me."

The bartender says, "Well I can see how you might be a
BIT FRUSTRATED at this point."

"Well, yeah, but I hear the guy finally get the door open and
he yells out, 'Who you been sleeping with now, bitch?'

The girl says, 'Nobody, honey, now come to bed and calm

Well the guy starts TEARING up the room. I hear him tear
the door off the closet and throw it across the room.

I'm thinking, 'Boy, I'm glad I didn't hide in there.'

Then I hear him lift up the bed and throw it across the room.
Good thing I didn't hide under there either.

Then I heard him say, 'What's that over there by the

I think, 'Oh Shit, I'm dead meat now'. But the blond by now
is trying real hard to distract him and convince him to stop

"Well, I hear the guy go into the bathroom, and I hear water
running for a long time, and I figure maybe he's gonna take a
bath or something, when all of a sudden the asshole pours a
pitcher of scalding HOT WATER out of the window right on
top of my head! I mean look at this, I got second degree
burns all over my scalp and shoulders!"

The bartender says, "Oh man, that would have pissed me off
for SURE."

"No, that didn't really BOTHER me. Next the guy starts
slamming the window shut over and over on my hands. I mean,
look at my fingers. They're a bloody mess, I can hardly hold
onto this glass."

The bartender looks at the guy's hands and says "Yeah, buddy,
I can understand why you are so UPSET."

"No, that WASN'T what really pissed me off."

The bartender then asks in exasperation, "Well, then, what
DID finally piss you off?"

"Well I was hanging there, and I turned around and looked

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