THE BEST JOKE OF ALL
Posted by EXCALIBURE on January 30, 1998 at 16:01:19:

THE BEST JOKE OF ALL IS "US". YES, WE AS SRI LANKANS!.

THE WHOLE WORLD LAUGHS AT US WHILE WE SIT ON OUR LITTLE ISLAND AND PULL EACH OTHERS HAIR OUT. ALL THE TIME THE POLITICIANS MAKE THE MONEY, THE TERRORISTS BLOW UP THINGS AND YOU AND I RUN IN CIRCLES WONDERING WHERE THIS WILL ALL END BECAUSE THE ECONOMY IS DOWN THE TOILET. WHY ARE ALL THE WRONG PEOPLE IN THE RIGHT PLACES AND THE RIGHT ONES IN THE WRONG PLACES .. SO WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT. WELL, FOR STARTERS LETS GET OUR HEADS OUT OF THE HOLE THAT WE HAVE DUG FOR OURSELVES AND START LOOKING AROUND TO SEE HOW WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE. WE'VE GOT TO REACH OUT TO PEOPLE. TO TEACH AND GUIDE THE IGNORANT, TO OPEN THE EYES OF THOSE WHO ARE BLIND. BUT WE CAN'T DO THAT ALL AT ONCE. THIS CANCER HAS EATEN INTO OUR SOCIETY FOR FAR TOO LONG. WE HAVE TO START SLOWLY. TO CLEAN OUT ALL THAT IS BAD. FOLLOWING ARE A FEW IDEAS TO BEGIN WITH.

WHEN YOU GO TO A GOVERNMENT OFFICE AND YOU SEE THE WORKERS SITTING WITH THEIR FEET UP IN THE AIRÖ.SCREAM YOUR GUTS OUT! REMEMBER, THEY ARE THERE TO DO A JOB OF WORK, JUST LIKE EVERY BODY ELSE AND FOR GOODNESS SAKE, DON'T BRIBE THEM. DON'T PAY THAT EXTRA RS. 500 OR RS. 1000 TO THAT "CATCHER" WHO STANDS IN FRONT OF THE "R.M.V." SO THAT YOU WILL GET YOUR LICENSE OVER THE COUNTER. DON'T PAY THE MAN AT THE LAND REGISTRATION DEPARTMENT THAT EXTRA AMOUNT SO THAT HE WILL CHECK YOUR DEEDS FOR YOU. DO IT THE PROPER WAY.

WHEN YOU FIND SOME ONE IN A SHOP WITH A FACE AS LONG AS A MILE, TEACH THEM THAT IT TAKES LESS ENERGY TO SMILE THAN TO HAVE A FACE LIKE "GALLE FACE". REMEMBER, WE ARE SRI LANKANS AND WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE PEOPLE WITH THE FRIENDLIEST SMILE. ON ONE OF MY HOLIDAYS TO SRI LANKA, I WAS THRILLED TO SEE SRI LANKA APPEAR THROUGH THE CLOUDS. I COULDNíT WAIT TO GET OFF THE PLANE. WHEN I ARRIVED AT THE CUSTOMS SECTION, I SAID GOOD MORNING TO THE CUSTOMS OFFICER. HE DIDN'T EVEN LOOK UP. I LEANED A LITTLE CLOSER AND SAID GOOD MORNING AGAIN (MAYBE HE DIDN'T HEAR ME THE FIRST TIME) BUT STILL NO REACTION. I PERSEVERED AND SAID GOOD MORNING AGAIN IN A LOUDER TONE. THIS TIME, LO AND BEHOLD THE MOUNTAIN MOVED AND I WAS GREETED WITH A GOOD MORNING. JUST IMAGINE ALL THOSE VISITORS TO OUR LAND WHO ARRIVE EXPECTING TO SEE THE "SRI LANKAN SMILE". TO ALL THOSE FRONT LINERS OF OUR COUNTRY, I SAY, BE GOOD FELLOWS AND PROJECT SOME HOSPITALITY TOWARDS ALL WHO ARRIVE IN OUR LAND. WE DONíT WANT TO DISAPPOINT OUR VISITORS NOW DO WE.

WHEN YOU SEE SOMEONE LITTERING. SHOW THEM THAT THERE IS A WASTE BIN FOR TRASH (HOPEFULLY SOMEWHERE AROUND ..IF NOT INFORM THE MUNICIPALITY). IT'S THEIR RESPONSIBILITY TO ENSURE THAT GARBAGE IS CLEARED AND THAT WASTE BINS ARE PLACED IN APPROPRIATE ZONES. REMEMBER, YOU ARE PAYING FOR THAT SERVICE WHEN YOU PAY FOR YOUR TAX.

IN MY TRAVELS I'VE SEEN MANY A LAND AND I HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO WITNESS THE MIRACLE OF THE GULF COUNTRIES. THE MIRACLE WAS THAT THEY HAD "GRASS!!" NO..NOT THE SMOKING TYPE BUT GENUINE GREEN GRASS GROWING ON VIRTUALLY ALL DESERT AREAS. THE BIGGER MIRACLE WAS THAT THE PEOPLE WHO WERE DOING THE GROWING WERE INDIANS, PAKISTANIS AND ÖYES..YOU GUESSED IT..SRI LANKANS! YET HOW COME THE GALLE FACE "GREEN" IS STILL BROWN AS THE BACK OF MY HAND! MY GOD..ARE WE THAT DAMN INEFFICIENT AND WITOUT ANY SENSE OF PURPOSE THAT WE CAN'T GROW A BLADE OF GRASS ???.

WHEN YOU SEE SHOPS WITH GARBAGE PILED UP IN FRONT OF THEM, TELL THEM TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. PEOPLE WILL LISTEN AS LONG AS YOU GIVE THEM A VIABLE EXPLANATION. TELL THEM THAT YOU ARE PART OF THE NEWLY APPOINTED HYGIENE AUTHORITY FOR EXAMPLE. TELL THEM ANYTHING BUT MAKE THE DIFFERENCE.

IGNORE MESSAGES / POSTERS PASTED ON WALLS AND PUT THAT "STICK NO BILLS" SIGN ON YOUR WALLS. WHEN POLITICIAN'S ELECTION CAMPAIGN POSTERS LAND ON YOUR WALL, COMPLAIN TO THEM. REMEMBER, THEY WANT YOUR VOTE TO GET INTO POWER, SO THEY WILL BE GLAD TO OBLIGE YOU. THEY MIGHT EVEN WHITE WASH YOUR WALL.

WHEN YOU SEE PRIVATE COACHES SPEEDING ALONG GALLE ROAD TRYING TO PICK UP MORE PEOPLE THAN THE OTHER ONE BEHIND HIM, WRITE THE NUMBER-PLATE NUMBER DOWN AND PASS IT ON TO THE TRAFFIC POLICE. DO THE SAME FOR RECKLESS DRIVERS AND FOR VEHICLES THAT BELCH SMOKE. YOU'VE GOT CELLULARS IN YOUR VEHICLES, MAKE USE OF THEM (BUT DON'T FORGET TO PULL UP FIRST, WE DONíT WANT TO BREAK THE LAW DO WE).

WHEN YOU SEE PEOPLE TAKING BRIBES, INFORM THE BRIBERY COMMISSION OR THE NEWSPAPERS. I WAS ONCE REQUESTED TO PROVIDE A CERTAIN OFFICIAL WITH 6 WATCHES, 01 TRAVEL BAG AND A TENNIS RACKET. I NEVER WENT BACK TO HIM, NEITHER DID HE GET HIS BOOTY. AT THAT TIME, THE BRIBERY COMMISSION WAS NOT THOUGHT OF AND THE NEWSPAPERS WERE UNDER STRICT SENSOR SHIP.

(TAKE PHOTOGRAPHS AND EXPOSE VIOLATORS OF THE LAW, BE IT LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICERS THEMSELVES OR THE PUBLIC. I ONCE SAW A POLICE OFFICER STOPPING TRAFFIC AT A JUNCTION AND LETTING THE PEOPLE GO WHEN THE GREEN LIGHT FOR THE VEHICLES WAS ON AND THE "DONíT WALK" SIGN WAS ON FOR THE PEDESTRIANS. PLEASE DON'T CONFUSE THE PUBLIC BY THIS SORT OF WRONG DOING. I'VE ALSO SEEN THE PUBLIC RUNNING ACROSS THE ROAD WHEN THE "DON'T WALK SIGN WAS ON"Ö.SIGH! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T EDUCATE THE PEOPLE. HAVE PROPER PROGRAMS ON TV TO SHOW THE SIMPLE FOLK WHAT THESE SIGNS ARE FOR. INCORPORATE THEM IN THE TELE-DRAMAS. COMMUNICATE PEOPLE, FOR GOODNESS SAKE, COMMUNICATE.

I KNOW THAT WHAT I ASK OF YOU CAN BE DANGEROUS STUFF. TIMES ARE NOT GOOD IN OUR COUNTRY AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHO THE NEXT GUY IS BUT NO ONE ELSE IS GOING TO HELP US. THAT'S FOR DAMN SURE.!!! WE'VE GOT TO BE INNOVATIVE, TO GO WHERE NO SRI LANKAN HAS GONE BEFORE. MY FATHER-IN-LAW EVEN WENT TO THE EXTENT OF PAINTING HIS NEIGHBOR'S WALL IN THE WEE HOURS OF THE MORNING BECAUSE THE WALL WAS SUCH AN EYE SORE. GO ON, BE A BIT GENEROUS LIKE HIM, EVEN IF YOUR NEIGHBOR IS A STINKING MISER.

IT'S US SRI LANKANS THAT HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER AND TO ENSURE THAT WE DEVELOP OURSELVES AND OUR COUNTRY. REMEMBER...I SAID SRI LANKANS.. DON'T MAKE THE MISTAKE OF SEPARATING RELIGION, RACE OR WHATEVER, REMEMBER TOGETHER WE STAND, DIVIDED WE SURE AS HELL WILL FALL. ACTUALLY WE HAVE ALREADY FALLEN QUITE A LOT. KEEP RELIGION OUT OF RUNNING A COUNTRY. RELIGION IS TO CLEANSE ONE'S SOUL. IT HAS NO PLACE IN POLITICS ACCEPT TO GUIDE A GOOD CONSCIENCE.

REMEMBER HOW WE COULD TRAVEL OUT TO OTHER COUNTRIES AT ONE TIME AND SAY THAT WE ARE FROM SRI LANKA AND PEOPLE USE TO SAY WOW! TODAY, THEY LOOK AT YOU AND SAY HUMPH.. JUST ANOTHER REFUGEE TRYING TO LIVE OFF THE WELFARE.!

I CAN GO ON AND ON TALKING ABOUT WHAT HE DID AND WHAT SHE DID THAT BROUGHT OUR COUNTRY TO THE STATE IT IS BUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT ANYMORE. WHAT'S DONE IS DONE. WE'VE BEEN RUINED BY OUR OWN PEOPLE. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH AND IT'S TIME WE GOT BACK TOGETHER TO BUILD OUR FUTURE . TO ENSURE THAT WE SHINE ONCE AGAIN.

OH, ONE LAST AND VERY IMPORTANT ISSUE. PERSONAL HYGIENE. MANY A TIME, I HAVE COME ACROSS PEOPLE WITH EXTREME BODY ODOR. PLEASE ADVICE THESE PEOPLE TO USE A DEODORANT, OR A SIMPLE WASH WITH SOAP AND WATER WILL DO THE TRICK. THESE ARE THE BASICS BUT YOU WOULD BE SURPRISED AT HOW MANY SRI LANKANS HOLDING HIGH POSITIONS VIOLATE THESE BASICS. YOU WOULD EXPECT THEM TO KNOW. I'VE SEEN SRI LANKANS TRAVELLING ON OUR NATIONAL CARRIER WITH THEIR TIES IN ONE PLACE AND THE SHIRTS OUT AND STINKING TO HIGH HEAVEN. I EVEN WITNESSED ONE OFFICIAL BEING DRESSED BY THE CREW AS HE WAS SO DRUNK. OH THE SHAME. IMAGINE, YOU GO TO A RESTAURANT AND THE WAITER LEANS OVER TO GIVE YOU YOUR MOST DESIRED DISH AND HIS BODY ODOR OVER POWERS THE LONG AWAITED MEAL. NICE ISN'T IT.. I ALSO NOTICED ALL OUR TELE DRAMAS SHOW VILLAGE SCENES WHERE SOMEONE IS PLUCKING LICE OF THE OTHERS HEAD. YUK! SICKENING! IT IS NOT O.K. TO HAVE NITS ON YOUR HEAD. IT'S A DAMN DISGRACE AND THINGS LIKE THIS SHOULD NEVER BE SHOWN ON TV. WHO THE HECK IS THINKING OF THESE THINGS. SHOW SOMETHING ELSE..HECK, I DONíT KNOW.. BUT FOR GOODNESS SAKE DON'T SHOW LICE!!!! I HAVE HEARD OF THE TRAINING PROGRAMME THAT THE GOVERNMENT HAS UNDERTAKEN WHERE OUR HOUSEMAIDS ARE EDUCATED ON THE ESSENTIALS. THIS IS GOOD. I DO HOPE THAT PERSONAL HYGIENE IS ALSO INCLUDED IN THE COURSE.

WELL, THAT'S ABOUT IT FOR NOW. IF ANYONE HAS ANY IDEAS ON HOW TO BRING SRI LANKA BACK ON TRACK IN ANY LITTLE WAY POSSIBLE, OR HAS ANY COMMENTS, PLEASE CONTACT ME AT EXCAL_98@YAHOO.COM. I'LL BE GLAD TO HELP IN ANY WAY I CAN.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN HELPING SRI LANKA, THEN PASS THIS MESSAGE ALONG. WE NEED TO SHAPE OUR COUNTRY FOR THE BETTER, EVEN IF IT IS TOO LATE FOR US, THEN AT LEAST FOR OUR CHILDREN. WE'VE GOT TO MAKE SRI LANKA A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE IN.

REMEMBER... YOU'RE THE ONE WHO HAS TO LIVE IN IT!!

THANKS FOR READING.

PEACE TO ALL! - EXCALIBURE.

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